FND dissociative attacks

Hello to you all, it's been a bit of a day here. This morning my intention was to blog, followed up by a YouTube reel on how my surge of dissociative attacks is making me feel. I'll still talk about this, but also I've had yet another ambulance for the reduced breathing in one of my non-epileptic seizures, so a bit more to talk about than planned.

I've been feeling for around 2 weeks now that I'm not 'here', in conversations, in a room, just not me being there if that makes sense. My husband asking what I want to eat is just like white noise. I can hear myself talking, but it's like it's not coming from me. I can only think it's what dementia patients feel at the early stages of the disease. I look normal, but I'm far from it. I'm 100% sure that I couldn't make any decisions, remember anything, or even string a sentence together.

For the last 3 nights, I've been doing really strange things, random words coming out of my mouth, tidying up kitchen utensils in a pretty shape, packing to go to Nevada! It's all very scary, but just a new symptom, I guess. I bloody hate this disease, although I know there are so many worse off than me.

So today... I started a seizure at 1:30, and around an hour and a half in, I stopped communicating by squeezing my carer's hand, so she called for help. We live in assisted living, so another carer came in, and an ambulance was called. They gave me oxygen and 10mg IV diazepam, and I came straight out of it, but the chest pain remains. I'm waiting for an urgent CT scan of my heart to rule out cardiac involvement. Fingers crossed it isn't going to be long. I hate the seizures, so bloody many it drives me mad. I feel such an embarrassment. It's easier to stay indoors, and on top of that, I'm scared I'm going to die.

I hope this blog helps even one person so they know they aren't alone going through this.

Sleep tight xx